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Horoscopes

Aries 21st March - 19th April

According to the adage, a rolling stone gathers no moss. That's why Bill Wyman never dated Kate.  Try having tomato soup for brunch.

Lucky Organ: Liver

Taurus 20th April - 21st May

Beggars can't be choosers. But they can be annoying.  Try having steak and kidney pudding for supper.

Lucky Mollusc: Mussel

Gemini 22nd May - 21st June

Don't do that, you'll go blind.  Try having sausage and chips for dinner.

Lucky Poet: Plath

Cancer 22nd June - 23rd July

Frogs will rain down from the skies. Don't forget to take your umbrella.  Try having bangers and mash for a snack between meals.

Lucky Cheese: Roquefort

Leo 24th July - 23rd August

In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.  Try having truffles for a late evening snack.

Lucky Author: Spillane

Virgo 24th August - 23rd September

People who live in glass houses shouldn't... you know.  Try having an ice-cream for a late evening snack.

Lucky Period: Triassic

Libra 24th September - 23rd October

The end of the world is nigh, so don't bother shaving.  Try having a cheeseburger for elevenses.

Lucky Hairstyle: Afro

Scorpio 24th October - 22nd November

You will be abducted by aliens who will offer you tea and biscuits in exchange for your spleen.  Try having chicken tikka masala for afternoon tea.

Lucky Organ: Bladder

Sagittarius 23rd November - 21st December

You will discover the meaning of life, but lose the napkin on which you wrote it down.  Try having a vindaloo for dinner.

Lucky Cloud: Cirrocumulus

Capricorn 22nd December - 20th January

You will wake up to find that you have metamorphosed into a giant cockroach.  Try having pork pies for dinner.

Lucky Composer: Debussy

Aquarius 21st January - 19th February

A friend in need is a friend indeed. Especially when he needs money.  Try having cauliflower cheese for breakfast.

Lucky Bone: Fibula

Pisces 20th February - 20th March

An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. Or, to put it another way, fair exchange is no robbery in the world of organ donation.  Try having egg and chips for brunch.

Lucky Artist: Holbein