Aries 21st March - 19th April
Don't believe everything you read on the Internet. Try having suckling pig for a light snack.
Lucky Cheese: Edam
Taurus 20th April - 21st May
Eat some food for dinner today. Try having tripe and onions for dinner.
Lucky Bird: Great Tit
Gemini 22nd May - 21st June
Home is where the heart is. You need to be more careful with your organs. Try having a bacon sandwich for supper.
Lucky Stone: Joss
Cancer 22nd June - 23rd July
It's no use crying over spilt milk, that'll just water it down Try having bacon and eggs for elevenses.
Lucky Author: Mann
Leo 24th July - 23rd August
That 'silent but deadly' you let go this morning will fortuitously avert an alien invasion. Try having bacon and eggs for dinner.
Lucky Composer: Orff
Virgo 24th August - 23rd September
Two's company; three's a crowd; four's an orgy. Try having a Cornish pasty for elevenses.
Lucky Note: Quasihemidemisemiquaver
Libra 24th September - 23rd October
You will catch bird flu after sharing a cup of tea with your pet emu. Try having jelly for supper.
Lucky Fish: Scrod
Scorpio 24th October - 22nd November
You will say hello to someone with hair. Try having jellied eels for dinner.
Lucky Facial Hair: Stubble
Sagittarius 23rd November - 21st December
Your spaceship will crash on an Earth type planet ruled by English speaking chimpazees, gorillas and orang utans. Try having a vindaloo for a mid-morning snack.
Lucky Cheese: Wensleydale
Capricorn 22nd December - 20th January
A watched pot never boils. Smoke it instead. Try having steak tartare for a snack between meals.
Lucky Empire: Austro-Hungarian
Aquarius 21st January - 19th February
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Therefore you are extremely beautiful to Stevie Wonder. Try having hotdogs for a light snack.
Lucky Author: Burroughs
Pisces 20th February - 20th March
Don't count your chickens before they're hatched. They might be baby crocodiles. Try having cheese on toast for a mid-morning snack.
Lucky Author: Conan Doyle