Aries 21st March - 19th April
You and your hordes of mounted archers will sweep across most of Asia and Eastern Europe by lunchtime. Try having roast lamb for brunch.
Lucky Column: Doric
Taurus 20th April - 21st May
You will catch temporary dyslexia and fidn ti rdah ot edra het sret fo shti ensetecn. Try having beans on toast for breakfast.
Lucky Fish: Giant Gourami
Gemini 22nd May - 21st June
You will suffer a blow to the head and awake to find yourself somewhere over the rainbow. Try having an ice-cream for a late evening snack.
Lucky Column: Ionic
Cancer 22nd June - 23rd July
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. Unfortunately the birds in your bush are thrush. Natural live yoghurt is called for. Try having truffles for a snack between meals.
Lucky Artist: M.C. Escher
Leo 24th July - 23rd August
According to the adage, a rolling stone gathers no moss. That's why Bill Wyman never dated Kate. Try having truffles for a snack between meals.
Lucky Cloud: Nimbostratus
Virgo 24th August - 23rd September
Beggars can't be choosers. But they can be annoying. Try having tomato soup for lunch.
Lucky Architecture: Postmodern
Libra 24th September - 23rd October
Don't do that, you'll go blind. Try having cauliflower cheese for a mid-afternoon snack.
Lucky Composer: Saint-SaŽns
Scorpio 24th October - 22nd November
Frogs will rain down from the skies. Don't forget to take your umbrella. Try having Welsh rarebit for dinner.
Lucky Cheese: Stilton
Sagittarius 23rd November - 21st December
In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. Try having pork chops for dinner.
Lucky Architecture: Victorian
Capricorn 22nd December - 20th January
People who live in glass houses shouldn't... you know. Try having a beefburger for breakfast.
Lucky Philosopher: Archimedes
Aquarius 21st January - 19th February
The end of the world is nigh, so don't bother shaving. Try having meat and potato pie for brunch.
Lucky Organ: Brain
Pisces 20th February - 20th March
You will be abducted by aliens who will offer you tea and biscuits in exchange for your spleen. Try having truffles for a snack between meals.
Lucky Dog: Cockapoo