Aries 21st March - 19th April
Recall that a fool and his money are soon parted. Send your donations to me. Try having pizza for a mid-morning snack.
Lucky Poet: Pushkin
Taurus 20th April - 21st May
Too many cooks spoil the broth. Try using about one and a half. Try having a doner kebab for lunch.
Lucky Philosopher: Schopenhauer
Gemini 22nd May - 21st June
You will be encumbered by a cumbersome cucumber. Try having lasagne for brunch.
Lucky Composer: Strauss
Cancer 22nd June - 23rd July
You will drink a cup of tea or coffee today. Or maybe a glass of water. Try having tripe and onions for a light snack.
Lucky Bird: Wandering Whistling Duck
Leo 24th July - 23rd August
Your bad breath will cause the extinction of a rare species of woodlouse. Try having jellied eels for a mid-morning snack.
Lucky Empire: Assyrian
Virgo 24th August - 23rd September
A long lost tribe will be discovered in the Amazon who have been worshipping you as a god for several generations. Try having a pint of beer for elevenses.
Lucky Bird: Brown Booby
Libra 24th September - 23rd October
Apparently his bark is worse than his bite. Try having ten pints of lager for a mid-afternoon snack.
Lucky Punctuation: Comma
Scorpio 24th October - 22nd November
Birds of a feather flock together. They also fart together, but that seldom makes the news. Try having roast lamb for a mid-afternoon snack.
Lucky Author: Dostoyevsky
Sagittarius 23rd November - 21st December
Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise. However, you will miss out on a lot of fun. Try having kippers for a mid-afternoon snack.
Lucky Empire: Glasgow
Capricorn 22nd December - 20th January
He who laughs last has the last laugh. Try having cottage pie for a light snack.
Lucky Author: J. M. Barrie
Aquarius 21st January - 19th February
It's better to give than to receive. Except perhaps syphilis. Try having meat and potato pie for a mid-afternoon snack.
Lucky Artist: Magritte
Pisces 20th February - 20th March
Remember that a bad workman always blames his tools. And a bad Gigolo just blames his tool. Try having a Cornish pasty for brunch.
Lucky Organ: Oesophagus